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Posts tagged ‘effectiveness’

“I Should…”

“I should  _________________________.”

How do you fill in the blank?  Got a long list of stuff that you “should” do?  Yeah, me too, but I am ever so careful to keep my awareness of that word on high!  When you hear (or think), “You should (blah, blah, blah, blah, blah),” don’t you get the sense that someone’s index finger is pointing at you, like you’re being accused of something?

“Guilty as charged!”

The same kind of feeling happens when you do that to yourself.  Sometimes it’s referred to as “shoulding” on yourself.  You’ve taken over where those authorities in your life left off!  You’ve internalized those authority figures.

Now, not all of that internalizing is necessarily a bad thing.  You need your conscience to guide your decisions.  But you don’t need “shoulds”!

Look at the difference in these two statements.

“I should ________________.”

vs.

“I want _________________.”

Small difference in words but HUGE difference not only in outcome, but in how you feel about yourself!  “I should _______________” implies that you haven’t done whatever it is and don’t really want to.  Right?

“I want _________________” puts you back in charge, raises your awareness of what’s really going on with you and is more empowering and choiceful!  With “I should _______________”, there is only one correct answer, right?  And that answer is not something that you want to do!

Turn it around for yourself!

Instead of “I should _____________________”,

USE “I want ________________________.”

Make it a game.  See how many times you can catch yourself saying, “I should ________________.”  You’ll be amazed at the frequency when you first start noticing your “should” thinking!  And, whenever you can, turn it around for yourself by changing it to, “I want _______________.”  It is so different.  It truly is like night and day both in how you’ll feel and in the increase in clarity and focus, which can help you get more done!  It’s an excellent way of reminding yourself that you really are responsible for your life after all!

If you’d like the support of a coach who intimately understands this issue and can give you the support and structure you need to be more effective in this area, contact me.  It is such a joy to be a part of you creating a lighter spirit for yourself!

Here are the ways you can contact me.

1) Email me at LightSpiritCoach@aol.com.  (See the form below to make it easy.)

2) Call me at (573) 999-9809.

3) Reply to this article (by clicking on “Leave a Comment” at the top of the article.  Those comments are usually published, so let me know if you do not want me to publish your comment.)

4) “Like” my Facebook page at Light Spirit Coaching.

Would love to hear from you in any of those ways!

10 Steps To Getting THE MOST IMPORTANT Things Done

As I was doing my best to talk myself down from the increasing anxiety I felt about my list of “to-do’s” for the day, I automatically did something that was very helpful.  However, I didn’t really appreciate how powerful a strategy it is that I have learned.  It’s something that is so obvious to any kind of time management that many people might think it silly to address in an article.  Nevertheless, I believe that

“The simplest things are the most profound.”

This is one of those simple, profound things.

Here is what I did.

1.  I made a list of all of the things I hoped to accomplish that day.

2.  I put my best estimate of how long I thought each would take (going from my experience of how long something might take, rather than how long I think or wish it would take!)

3.  For several items, I put a range of time that something might take, like 3-4 hours or 20-30 minutes.

4.  I added up the total time, both the shortest and longest times.

5.  Not to be excluded because of its seeming simplicity, I also did my best to

realistically calculate how much time I had to work with

to get those items done.  It is so easy to skip over this essential step or drastically overestimate how much time I have by, say, not allowing time to prepare or eat lunch, or assuming that I can work for 6 hours straight or forgetting that I need to factor in a 15 or 20 minute walk for my dog, (who will then be much calmer and quieter for the remaining part of the day…)

6.  I thought, “Hmmm, there’s no way that I can get those 8-10 hours of things done in the 6 1/2 hours I have left before my daughter returns from school!  (I have realized that it is important to connect with my now 13-year-old, rather than continuing to attempt to get things done on my list, which takes away my focus and also takes away my presence for my daughter and for myself!)

7.  I identified the most important things for me to get done that day, either because of a deadline or because of the value they hold.

8.  I added my time estimates for the shortened “most important things” list.

9.  I compared whether my shortened list would fit into my “how much time I had to work with” estimate.  Still too long.  Bummer.

But, there’s hope.

10.  Back to #7.  Really zeroing in on

“What are absolutely the most important things that I want to get done this particular day?”

Sometimes the problem is that I was all geared up to finally get a particular thing done, but it is something that can actually be done on another day.  Sometimes the problem is needing to prioritize whether it is a family or personal or business thing that is most important on this particular day.  And sometimes it’s just that I have to recognize my own particular limits and appreciate that all of the little things I do in my home not only do matter but also do require time.  It’s still hard for me to do that, which is often why I run into trouble with time management.

Hopefully by this point, the length of time of my list of “most important things” now fits into the available time that I have.  If not, I repeat Step #10 until it does.  Sometimes I take my chances and jump headlong into it, in the hope of getting a bit more done than it appears I have time for.  Because I almost always use my longest time estimates when I add my total, sometimes this works, but typically it backfires, and my anxiety and frustration increase.  Not helpful and not what I’m aiming for!

Things always take longer than you think they’re going to take.

For reasons I’ve already addressed and for many other reasons.  Call it life, call it change, call it being human, call it whatever you want to, but it certainly helps to have this kind of strategy to increase the likelihood of getting done what you hope to get done.

And then, of course, follow your plan and do the things you’ve identified are most important!  By following through, you’re letting yourself know that what you have identified as important is of value and does matter.  Ultimately you are saying that you matter and what you decide matters.  Seems an obvious point, but it’s significant in our view of ourselves.

Keep your view of yourself positive and give yourself the support or strategy you need to more effectively manage your time.  And, as my husband sometimes suggests to me, you might even keep your lists for several days or a few weeks.  You’ll be astounded at what all you actually do get done as time goes on!

If you’d like the support of a coach who intimately understands this issue and can give you the support and structure you need to be more effective in this area, contact me.  It is such a joy to be a part of you creating a lighter spirit for yourself!

Here are the ways you can contact me.

1) Reply to this article (by clicking on “Leave a Comment” at the top of the article.  Those comments are usually published, so let me know if you do not want me to publish your comment.)

2) Email me at LightSpiritCoach@aol.com.  (See the form below to make it easy.)

3) Call me at (573) 999-9809.

4) “Like” my Facebook page at Light Spirit Coaching.

Would love to hear from you in any of those ways!

Organizing … Part of Self-Care?

What do you think of organizing?  More importantly, what do you think of yourself when it comes to organizing?  This is an area that many of us either glorify or curse.  We look at the homes of our organized friends and think, “Ah, what would it be like to live like that?  My life would be wonderful if I could live in a home like that!”  Or, we just berate ourselves because our homes do not look like that, and we see our own organizing ability as some kind of shortcoming or weakness.

What about getting rid of that dream of organizing perfection and all of the negative judgments that go along with it?  I’m not saying to get rid of organizing, but to get rid of the dream of perfection we’ve had about how it works and what it “should” look like.  For many of us, because we feel so embarrassed and/or guilty about this area, we do our best to hide it from others, which only increases our isolation and makes it more difficult to ask for and receive support!

Consider this idea.

Organizing is one form of self-care.

Organizing can be one form of self-care, instead of one form of self-criticism!  However, that does require rethinking the whole area.

Instead of “perfection,” think “good enough” and “What works for me?

I am asking that you find a way to wiggle yourself out of the seductive hold that the glossy pictures of perfectly organized homes have on you.  Keep in mind that nobody actually lives in those homes, at least not in the way that they are portrayed!  Interior design experts have been in that home, not to mention professional photographers, all whose job it is to portray perfection and sell something, correct?  Just what are they selling?  And do you really want any of it?  Do you really want to live in a home that exists to look beautiful but not necessarily be very functional?

If you can suspend your view of what you thought organizing was, then you have a chance to consider something more realistic and more useful!  A way that is more fitting for you.  A way that works for you.  A way that it is good enough and is more in line with how you really live.  In that view, you have a chance to look at organizing as part of self-care, instead of as a way to criticize yourself.

“How Do I Do That?”

Here is what I have learned so far.

* Little by little.  ONE STEP AT A TIME.

Not three steps at a time.   Not do it all at once.  Give yourself a chance to be successful!

* Separate out the projects from the tasks.

Tasks are something that you can do in 10 or 20 minutes.  If it’s much longer or full of steps, it qualifies for a project.  By identifying it as a project, you give yourself a chance to make progress on it by identifying the smaller steps that are involved in it.

* Before beginning a project, break it down into tasks. 

What all is involved in getting that project done?  If it feels overwhelming, what is one small action that you can take that would move that project further along?  Most projects have more leeway than we think because there are different ways that we can move forward on the project.  Stop trying to figure out the “perfect” way.

* The bigger the area you do at one time, the more likely you are to fail.

Don’t mean to be harsh or negative here.  Actually, quite the opposite.  Straightforward compassion, learned from lots and lots and lots of experience…  Stated more simply (and related to “Little by Little”), here’s the positive spin on this:

* The smaller and more manageable the area is to organize, the more likely you are to succeed in organizing it!

My thinking used to go something like this.  “I ‘just’ want to get my desk organized today.”  However, my desk was covered with piles of paper and folders and notebooks and reminders and — you get the picture.  “Just” getting my desk organized made success risky.  What has increased my success is identifying one part of my desk or one pile on my desk and deciding to take action with that one part or that one pile.  It may seem really small, but I am so much more likely to succeed, which builds my momentum and confidence for then taking action on the next part or pile!

Coaching Can Make A Difference!

I’m making progress in learning how to approach organizing differently in my own life.  The funny thing is that I’ve been helping my clients organize parts of their lives for a long time now!  The idea that, “You can’t see the forest for the trees” certainly applies here.  All those trees can block our vision of the forest when we’re standing right in the middle of them!  That’s why I have my own coach in this area, and that’s also why I’m able to be such an awesome coach for someone else in this area! 

If you’re looking for someone to help you change your approach or be more effective with organizing, I’d love to help.  Or, perhaps you want to learn how to take a kinder, gentler approach with yourself, which might surprisingly be the key you’ve been missing.  You can contact me in several ways:

1) Reply to this article (by clicking on “Leave a Comment” at the top of the article.  Those comments are usually published, so let me know if you do not want me to publish your comment.)

2) Email me at LightSpiritCoach@aol.com.  (See the form below to make it easy.)

3) Call me at (573) 999-9809.

4) “Like” my Facebook page at Light Spirit Coaching.

Would love to hear from you in any of those ways!


A Teenager Can Motivate You Towards Self-Care…

Well, well, well…  Look at these thoughts I scribbled down a few weeks ago for a draft of an article.  How ironic that today they are a perfect reminder of what I need to do to get back to a steadier place of self-care, so that I am giving myself a decent chance to be other than a crazed parent of a teenager!  Here’s what I wrote.

“The wonderful thing about self-care is that it builds on itself.  Progress in eating healthier food helps you feel better.  Getting enough sleep allows you to feel more rested and be more focused.  De-cluttering and getting organized can not only give you a sense of relief but also more energy and clarity.  And engaging in stress-management or relaxation practices has positive physical, mental and emotional benefits!”

By giving you an intimate look at my current state of self-care, you may be inspired to look at your own self-care and maybe even consider making a small, doable change that can have that positive domino effect!

This week I’m focusing on the nutritional part of my current self-care checklist.

Am I eating mostly nutritious foods?

Well, I am on both sides of the fence on this one.

  • Fruit?  I do love and eat fruit on a reasonably consistent basis.  Check.
  • Veggies?  Well, I love and eat spinach and tomatoes frequently and throw in other veggies here and there, but I am sure that I am not eating the recommended three servings of a variety of veggies most days.  Maybe half a check.
  • Whole grains?  I love the Nine Grain bread that one of our local restaurants makes.  I also buy whole wheat bread.  But I also love English muffins, the plain old white kind.  Maybe three-quarters of a check.
  • Dairy?  Probably only drinking a cup of milk a day.  I do love cheese, however.  Good for dairy requirements but not so good for low-fat fare.   I take Vitamin D and Calcium supplements to round out this category.  Close enough to a check.
  • Protein?  I love deli turkey, tuna and smoked salmon.  So far so good.  Also love sausage and bacon.  Good for protein.  Not so good for the high fat content.  Love beans also.  They help to add some substance to this category, plus beans are great for getting in some fiber!  Some days I skimp on the protein, but overall I do OK.  Giving myself a check here.
  • Fat?  Oops!  Probably more than I need.  Love half-and-half in my coffee.  Also love margarine on my toast and lots of mayo on my sandwiches and in my tuna salad.  Also love peanut butter and nuts, which are called good fats because of their high nutritional content.  This is a category for careful attention and for flexibility.  If I’ve had a ton of margarine at breakfast, then, instead of tuna salad with lots of mayo at lunch, it’s better to go for a spinach salad with mandarin oranges and a few walnuts for lunch, which I also love!
  • Fat and Sugar?  It’s not actually a category per se, but it seems important to mention if I’m taking an honest inventory, right?  I love chocolate.  And I love an occasional cookie.  For some reason, I have developed a particular love for chocolate-covered cherries lately.  Depending on the day, I may eat none of these, or I may indulge in a few cookies or chocolate-covered cherries.  It’s not really a category to check or not, but to be aware of and notice what’s going on if I’m indulging too much or too frequently.

Overall, I’m doing reasonably well in the nutrition area.  I do need to be watchful of the fat and sugar combos and also be careful to eat small healthy snacks in between meals so I don’t get too hungry or tired or spacey from not having the energy I need to function at my best!  I love dried fruit and nuts or a single serving of yogurt for those snack times.  Delicious, and I feel better!

What Works For Me

For this part of “beefing up” my self-care, I’m doing OK.  It could be argued that I’m doing really well, or it could be argued that I’m doing terribly.  That’s OK.  It’s all a matter of perspective.   At this point in my life, I know what kind of eating makes a difference in my energy and mood.  For me, I always do better if I add food, rather than attempting to tell myself that I can’t have this or that.  Denying myself particular foods only results in me craving them more.  If I am really determined to banish a particular food from my diet, that’s a whole different ball of wax.  For now, I am interested in balance and making small changes that can add up to a big difference, like making sure that I have nuts and dried fruit on hand to eat between meals so that my energy stays more steady.

Then I have a chance to use that steadiness to be a calmer, loving parent.

Next week we’ll peek into a different area of my self-care to see how I’m doing and decide whether another small change might be helpful.  Then you can use those questions to determine how you’re doing with your self-care!

Getting Things Done?

When it comes to getting things done, how do you proceed?  Do you take the “eat-the-biggest-frog-first” approach and do the biggest or most difficult thing first?  For some people, that approach can work very well.  The idea is that by tackling the “biggest frog” first, you not only get that project done, but you also free up the energy that you might have spent thinking or worrying about getting it done.  If this idea appeals to you or works for you, go for it.  Use it to get those items on your to-do list checked off!

Moving With The Flow

However, if that has not worked so well for you (or has not worked at all), there is another, completely opposite approach which can be equally effective for getting things done.  It’s the idea of “the path of least resistance.”  As the name implies, you move with the flow, not against it.  I have known about and appreciated this idea for some time now because it fits for me philosophically.  However, I attribute a better understanding and more practical use of it to Jennifer Hofmann of Inspired Home Office.  I participated in a class she offers called “The Wish Kit” in which she guided us to create not only a vision for, but also the initial steps to creating an office or studio or workspace that works for us and even nurtures and inspires us.  (Please check out the link if this sounds intriguing at all.  It’s very reasonably priced!)

Path Of Least Resistance

In “the path of least resistance” approach, the idea is to generate energy and build momentum for what you want to accomplish.  Instead of going for the “big frog,” you begin with the task or project that has the most appeal, that sounds like the most fun and/or is the easiest.

“What?”  You may say, “That won’t work!  I’ll just do easy stuff and won’t get the hard stuff done.”  Perhaps.  However, the brilliance behind this approach is that it tends to clear the way so that you can get stuff done!  Doing the easy or even the fun task has a way of lightening our mood and increasing our energy, thus creating a better environment to do those very tasks that we may be putting off or even dreading.  This approach is like oiling a rusty or squeaky part in our home.  The part becomes smoother and easier to move.  And we often feel an “Ahhhhh” sense of relief.  Using the path of least resistance allows our own process to move more smoothly and easily.

Let It Be Easy!

Next time, instead of gritting your teeth and pushing through something, why not give this approach a try?  Purposefully decide to experiment with this way of getting things done.  Pick something that you’d like to do, something that you want to do, something that is easy to do, then notice if you feel less stuck or if you have more energy or your thinking becomes clearer.  Any and all of those results are possible.  It is a tried-and-true approach!

Kiss Your Monster On The Nose

Then you are in a more effective position to “kiss your monster on the nose.”  (Doesn’t that sound preferable to eating a big frog????)  If you think about “kissing your monster on the nose,” it has a sense of peace and resolution to it, not a sense of having to “gear yourself up for battle.”  Kissing your monster on the nose may just be a matter of breaking down the project in front of you into the tasks or steps that will allow you to accomplish it.  It may be that you just haven’t stopped to take the time to think through what may be involved or that you need to do some research to get more information for what’s in front of you.  You want to make sure that you have the necessary information and resources you need to accomplish your task or project!

If you think about being your own best friend, you want to encourage yourself with positive motivation as much as you can instead of forcing yourself or giving yourself grief when what you’re doing isn’t working!  And, aside from being a “kinder, gentler way,” the path of least resistance is very effective!  You do get done what you’re wanting to get done, but you go about it in perhaps a very different way.

If you’ve been looking for an approach to increase your productivity without being mean to yourself, give this one a try.  You may very well be surprised at how incredibly effective it is!

“Do I Have ADD?”

Do I or Don’t I?

“Do I have ADD?”  Does this question ever pop up for you?  Or, has someone else suggested that you have ADD (often not very kindly…)?

If not knowing is bothering you, or if you find yourself struggling to cope, then by all means, please go meet with a psychologist or psychiatrist who is skilled in the area of ADD diagnosis, and find out!  For many of us, there is HUGE relief in doing so because

1) You finally have a name for what has been ruling your life.

2) You finally have a way of understanding why life has felt so hard.

3) You can then respond more positively to having ADD (and quit giving yourself so much grief).

4) You can learn about ADD, be treated for ADD and have a much better chance of functioning more effectively in your life!

The Upside to a Diagnosis

So, if you are really struggling, it is worth finding out, as much as a diagnosis of ADD is not something that most of us are eager to embrace.  ADD tends to come with a lot of judgment and misunderstanding, particularly for adults with ADD.  That’s so odd because, no, you don’t outgrow it, as people used to think.  The symptoms do tend to subside during adulthood, especially for those with ADHD, (when you have that extra energy that can make it hard to sit still), but ADD and ADHD do not go away.  We often get better at hiding it, or we develop some coping skills that can help, but it doesn’t go away.

That’s why it’s so important to learn about it and get connected to other people who seem to be managing it OK or who have a positive attitude despite it!  We need to know that we’re not alone in our challenges with ADD, no matter how old we are.

The Downside to Not Knowing

The problem with not knowing that you may have ADD is that you expect yourself to be able to cope with life like someone who doesn’t have ADD.    That’s like expecting someone with Type 1 diabetes to have good blood sugar without insulin.  It ain’t gonna happen!  Someone with diabetes who doesn’t know they have diabetes is not going to feel very well because they don’t have the insulin their body needs to function well.  Someone with ADD who doesn’t know they have ADD is not going to cope very well because they don’t have the resources or possibly medication they need to cope well.  But you don’t know WHY in either case because you don’t know what’s going on!

What Do You Mean, Forgive Myself — For Screwing Up?

Once you know what’s going on, you can learn about yourself, ADD and why you respond to life’s challenges in the way that you do.  You can then cope more effectively by taking advantage of the resources and treatment that are available and can help!  You have probably been expecting yourself to handle certain parts of your life without the skills or resources that you need.  That’s not very fair, is it?  But that’s what we tend to do to ourselves (or other people do to us) because we (or they) don’t understand!  You may choose to take medication, work with a therapist or work with a coach.  (If you’d like to learn more about working with me as your coach, click here.)  You might even decide to take advantage of a professional organizer who understands ADD and can help you create an environment that works better for you.

The next step is forgiving yourself for all that you have not handled as well as you would have liked because of your ADD!  It is so important to go back and look at how ADD has affected you and to forgive yourself.  You have always been doing as well as you have been able to do with the skills and resources that you have had!  It is so important to give yourself the understanding and compassion that has been missing all along!

With Acceptance Comes Change     

With a bit of light shed on the subject of ADD in your life, you are in a better position to move forward, to stop fighting the way you are and instead ACCEPT the way you are.  As you accept those things about you, you can much more effectively begin to learn about strategies for living life a bit differently.  It’s not about saying, “Gee!  I’m so happy I have ADD!”  But it is about saying, “Well, I have ADD.  Now what?”  It puts you in a much better position to respond more effectively to the challenges in your life.

Motivation for Change: Part 3

No discussion of change would be complete without your vision for change.  Your vision for change is what pulls you forward, is what motivates and inspires you to make the changes needed for that vision to become reality.  If your vision is lackluster or ho-hum or just not that compelling, what is there to pull you forward?  There isn’t anything to pull you forward!  That’s why having a powerful vision is so essential to the process of change!  If your goal is “I want to lose some weight,” and your vision doesn’t include how wonderful you will look and feel in your “new” body, then how do you expect yourself to make the changes needed to accomplish this?

Our brain LOVES pictures and is very sensory.  The more you can use your senses to determine how this change will look, feel, sound, taste, or even smell, the better because you are solidifying what it IS that you want for your brain to go to work on, in essence to be your ally!  You want to have as clear a mental picture as possible about what that change will be like!  You want to have a feeling of excitement and energy about this change.  Create a picture (in your mind or on paper) that stirs some energy and excitement for you.  Doing a collage or a “dream board” or something that helps you see and feel the change you want can create the energy and excitement that you want to have for your goal.

However, what we inadvertently tend to do is focus on how much we don’t like the way it is now, perhaps thinking that we will goad ourselves into doing “better”.  As human and as understandable as that is, it backfires on us because our focus is on the wrong picture!  Be really conscientious about redirecting your focus when you notice yourself heading down that path.  Refocus on what you DO want and where you DO want to be and how you DO want this part of your life to be!  That’s where the mental picture or collage you have created become so important.  It is very difficult to “just say no” when there is nothing to say, “YES!” to.  Because we’re human, we do head down the path of what we don’t want.  That’s OK.  Don’t berate yourself.  Just gently say, “Oh, there I go again heading down that path I don’t want to go down.”  Then you can turn yourself toward the vision that you DO have for yourself, your mental picture and/or your collage, and really let yourself soak that in.  By doing so, you effectively add power and energy to what you DO want because you are consciously choosing that and reinforcing that for your brain and for yourself.

Give yourself one of the resources you need for change, a vision that pulls you forward with a clear mental picture that you just might want to create a collage for.  Why not?  What do you have to lose (except some extra pounds or clutter or too much of whatever you may have!)

Motivation for Change: Part 1

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” — Lao-tzu

Making a change can seem like a huge undertaking, if not completely overwhelming.  To counteract that feeling, it can help to remember that change is a process that occurs little step by little step by little step.  The cumulative effect of those little steps creates the change that you want!

Once you have identified the change that you want to make (whether it is exercising or being on time or cleaning out a cluttered closet), the next thing to do is to break it down into parts.  Often we do not move forward because our goal is in too big of a chunk.  It’s actually several actions instead of one.  Each action may be simple enough in itself, but our brain is attempting, in some way, to do them simultaneously.  It’s doing its best, but it will not succeed unless you first back up and break down your goal into simple, concrete, manageable actions.  Then, you and your brain can go for it.  That’s where the SMART goal format can come into play.

A SMART goal is an acronym for a goal that is Specific, Measurable, Attainable/Achievable, Realistic/Relevant and Time-based.

Specific – Take, for example, “exercise.”  That is not specific.  It is vague.  What kind of exercise?  Swimming?  Walking?  Racquetball?  Where will you exercise?  Outside?  A particular gym?  Do you already belong to that gym?  Will you be exercising by yourself, or do you want to work-out with someone?  Who is that “someone”?  Do they have an interest and time available when you do?  These are questions that seems obvious but can kill the success of a goal if they are not clearly answered!

Measurable – How often?  Once each week?  Three times each week?  And how long for each time?  One game?  Thirty minutes?  If you’re looking at a goal like exercise that is best done with a gradual progression from starting out small to building on your successes, it helps to have short-term, intermediate and long-term goals.  Perhaps you’ll start out by just walking for 20 minutes three times the first week, then building to 25 minutes each time the second week, then 30 minutes the third week, and so on, until you have built up to the amount and frequency that you are wanting.  You can increase your likelihood of success by identifying which days you will exercise on:  Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?  Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays?  Your long-term goal may be to run a 5K by a certain date.

Attainable (or Achievable) – Is the goal something that is possible for you to achieve?  Do you really believe that it is possible?  If you decide to exercise every single day but have three days each week that are already so jam-packed full of commitments that you really don’t have the time or energy to exercise on those days, then daily exercise is not an attainable goal for you!  However, by modifying your goal to perhaps three times each week, it becomes attainable.  Seems like a very simple and obvious point, but you’d be amazed how many of us tend to overlook the importance of really looking squarely at this guideline.

Realistic (or Relevant) – “Is your goal realistic?” is very similar to “Is your goal attainable or achievable?”  “Is your goal relevant?” addresses whether or not your goal fits with your vision and values and what is important to you.  How does your goal matter in the overall picture of what you want for yourself?

Time-based – If you leave this one out, your brain doesn’t have a way to wrap itself around your goal and go to work for you.  Having a definite date for getting started on your goal and a definite date for completing your goal increases the structure for your goal and, therefore, helps support you in accomplishing that goal.  Dates also help by providing you with some motivation to get going (because, for example, you want to be ready for the 5K!)

Little step by little step by little step.  But before you take any steps, put the change you want to make into a SMART goal format to increase your likelihood for success.  You want to use the resources you already have to give yourself the support you need!

Self-Care

As I have crossed the threshold of a decade birthday, I have been giving self-care a lot of thought.  It seems so ho-hum a topic, as in “Yeah, yeah, I know, eat “right,” exercise, get enough sleep…blah, blah, blah.”  Well, yes and no.  That is what makes self-care so tricky.  It’s sounds so easy, and you’ve heard what you should do, but many of us only give ourselves the attention we need in an inconsistent way or not at all until we’re presented with some medical crisis or diagnosis.  Or perhaps reality snuck up on us, and all of a sudden we notice (not very compassionately) that we’ve gained more pounds than we realized or we’re out of breath so easily.  The consequences of ignoring self-care are quite noticeable, particularly as we get older…

Self-care is important for everyone (who wants to enjoy life or have a body that works well and lasts a long time.)  However, for someone with AD/HD, self-care is absolutely essential … because, guess what?  Without it, your symptoms are going to be in-your-face.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not so fond of my symptoms being that glaring, to me and to those around me.  The symptoms of AD/HD are exaggerated without self-care.  That means that, minimally, life is more difficult.  At the other end, it can mean that life feels like it’s spinning out of control and that there’s no hope.  It is very hard to “do” daily life like that, much less enjoy it.

The good news is that, just as much as a lack of self-care can have such a negative impact on AD/HD, even a tiny change or two can have a very positive impact, which is often all we need to continue down the path where life feels better.  What might that tiny change be for you?  As a friend once pointed out, instead of trying to get in all five servings of fruits and veggies every day (when you’re only getting maybe one or two), what about just committing to eating an apple every day?  (Or whatever fruit most appeals to you.  I like bananas because they require nothing but pulling back the peel.  Easy!  And if I add some peanut butter, then I’m getting in a bit of protein to help keep my blood sugar steady and energy at a more even keel.)

With the weather finally getting warmer again and the days getting longer, what about just going for a walk around the block?  Or what about committing to shutting off your computer, iPod, cell phone, etc. by a certain time at night to give your brain a chance to wind down and get enough sleep?  (That’s my current challenge.)  You know your challenges.  We all have some area that could receive some needed attention.  What is yours?  No, not “I will start eating all five servings of fruits and veggies and exercising for an hour every day and going to bed at 9:00 every night and …”  No, not all of those.  Not even one of those!

Your goal is to start small.  Very tiny baby steps.  Think about the way that a baby walks.  That toddler take little steps because, if they step too big, they fall!  Let’s learn from the babes and take tiny steps so that we can keep our balance and improve our self-care!

Effective Wisdom

When I walked into my 13-year-old daughter’s room, the entire floor was covered — with clothes, shoes (including many, many pairs of flip-flops in assorted colors), baskets, dress-up clothes, folders, binders, pom-poms, and who knows what all else.  The sight completely freaked out my husband, who made some comment about a tornado having hit.  I, however, knew enough to know that she had finally decided to tackle her cluttered closet, which had been so jam-packed full of anything that needed a temporary place to be, that the doors would no longer close.

She was in one of those delightful moods when she wanted to share what was going on in her life.  Nothing particularly noteworthy, but appreciated by me nevertheless because, in the volatile world of a teenager, she could be completely mum all next week (of course in her appropriate desire to declare her own individuality as she makes her way down the path towards adulthood).  I took full advantage of the moment and sat down (in a small space that was not yet covered) and enjoyed listening to her relate her recent experiences with her friends at a restaurant after a gymnastics meet.

I tried not to overstay my welcome.  I realized that she was politely asking me to leave when she said that she wanted to continue to work on her room.  I went about my day and engaged in what was mine to do.

I heard the vacuum cleaner running and later walked by her room.  Wow.  What a transformation!  Every single item was not only off the floor but had been sorted — either thrown away or put in a pile to be given away, with the remaining items neatly reorganized in a closet that now had, by comparison, almost nothing in it.  Absolutely amazing.

I decided to ask her if she was aware of how she had motivated herself to tackle this project and bring it to completion, without feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of it.  Here’s what she said.

1) I start by just doing one little thing.

2) I don’t let myself get distracted by other things.

3) That one thing then turns into the next thing to do.

4) I take breaks, but I make sure that I go back to finishing whatever little thing I’m working on.

That’s it.  The wisdom of a 13-year-old.  I’m so grateful when I can be humble enough to be curious and to learn from whatever experience is right in front of me.  Otherwise I would have missed the wisdom and inspiration of this experience!

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